Tuesday, June 24, 2014

no means no

my children are growing up so quickly... 
both are taller and physically bigger and stronger than me now.
(well... maybe not that strong yet ! !)

they can make some of their favourite meals,

they can do their own laundry,
they can take the local buses on their own or with friends,
they can shop for their own clothes,
they can do many things and are pushing their limits everyday.
although they are in their teens 
and think that they have some things figured out in their minds,
once in a while (actually, more often than that...)
 they revert back to their toddler stage and act like little two year olds,
screaming and fighting and kicking and... 
just imagine all the torturous deeds that siblings can do to each other 
(mine have thought of all of them and even more...)

to make a long story short, things can escalate 

(in this rough and tumble household of ours...) 
especially if one said person wants something from the other
 and the other said person doesn't want to give in.

their negotiation skills are usually pretty good but there are times when they dissolve
and i have to step in ( i try to avoid triangles).

one way that i deal with this is by reminding them of personal boundaries.
i've pulled these from the internet and have made posters of them to hang on
the doors to their bedrooms and to the refrigerator.

"no" means no
"stop" means no
"i don't want to" means no
turning away means no
shoving you away means no
silence means no
"don't touch me" means no
"leave me alone" means no
"i'm not ready" means no
"get lost" means no
pushing you away means no
"i don't feel like it" means no
"get away from me" means no
screaming means no
"don't " means no
crying means no 
"maybe later" means no
"no thanks" means no
"i'm not sure" means no
"i'd rather be alone right now" means no

although my kids are innocent of any date rape or sexual harassment, 
these words are powerful tools.
just by putting them up on doors, opened up the dialogue.
 they remind us to respect each other 
and of how we can use words to assert our rights to protect our personal space.

it's important for my teenage boy and all boys 

to learn the meaning of these words early in life,  
and for my teenage girl and all girls to learn how to use them with all their power 
(and vice versa..)
i'm hoping with all our little talks and reminders
the message behind 'no means no' gets ingrained into their teenage brains 
as they enter the dating phase of their lives.


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thank you for your kind words... they really do make my day !!!