how to care for an introvert

i always thought i knew what an introvert was...

throughout my life as a social being, i thought an introvert was someone who was shy, nervous, or anxious.  i had always considered them to be someone who just needed help loosening up at a party, or someone who needed help working a crowd, someone who needed encouraging to make new friends....

but i was wrong...
and this realization is the one of the most eye-opening lesson that i have learned as a mother !

carol bainbridge writes ...

" while in introvert may also be shy, 
introversion itself is not shyness.  
basically an introvert is a person who is energized by being alone
and whose energy is drained by being around other people."

"introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind.
they enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings.  

they often avoid social situations because 

being around people drains their energy.  

this is true even if they have good social skills.  

after being with people for any length of time, 

such as a party, they need time alone to recharge"

when i read this, suddenly everything made sense!!!

there are four of us in our family... 

i had always thought of us as extroverts with one of us being a little shy.

we did and still do a lot of socializing as a family.  we were involved with a cooperative preschool, enrolled in numerous camps, joined scouts, cubs, brownies, guides, played and coached soccer, dance, tennis, karate.. we enjoy visiting family and friends and also enjoy entertaining them at our home.

but one of us... always needed alone time.

after a social activity or a get together, 

i noticed that while one child was immediately begging for a longer or another playdate, 

the other one needed to retreat to the bedroom and close the door.

it became more obvious when they reached their teens

and started to schedule their own social lives.  

immediately after coming home from a party or social event, 

one will ask permission to go to another for the next day, 

while the other declares..." i'm NOT going to another party for a year !"

this baffled me...

it concerned me.. (i thought my child was going through depression)

i did everything a parent could do to turn my child around...

 ie:  registered them for more lessons and camps,

encouraged them to make more friends, etc....

it was disastrous... 

because the more i pushed, the more my child pushed back 

(typical drama for moms with teenagers...)

until i came to understand what an introvert really was...

  

carol bainbridge continues...

 "when introverts want to be alone, 

it is not, by itself, a sign of depression. 

 it means that they either need to regain their energy 

from being around people or 

that they simply want the time to be with their own thoughts.  

being with people, 

even people they like and are comfortable with, 

can prevent them from their desire to be quietly introspective."

you really do learn something new everyday...
and the things that you need (ie solutions) and want (ie.some tools, suggestions to work with)
really do fall on your lap if you train yourself to become aware of them ...

my husband and i were out on a date at one of our favourite coffee houses one weekend,
when beside our corner table, tacked on the wall was this poster..

how serendipitous was that?

this poster and its suggestions changed how i interact with my child 
and any person with a strong need to be alone.
they totally make sense to me, most helpful in my situation is number twelve !!!

there is a lot more i have to learn in this life

but this was definitely a great lesson i learned and must share...

erica

xoxo